|
|
|
|
 FAQ
 Tech
 Profile
 Join
us by e-mail  Log in
 Private Messages
 Register
|
|
| View Previous Topic :: View Next Topic |
| Author |
Message |
hina
Nice Contributor
.gif)
Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1485
Location: Pakistan
|
 Posted: NiceFun.net Post Subject: Last Wish |
 |
|
Nice Jokes Post No.5
Last Wish
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?" "It's 50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?" "That's my business! Get me the course!" Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law
degree so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer..."
Falsely Accused
"I was relaxing in my favorite chair on Sunday," said Doug to Bill, "reading the newspaper, watching a ball game on TV and listening to another on the radio, drinking a beer, eating a snack, and scratching the dog with my foot -- and my wife has the nerve to accuse me of just sitting there doing nothing !"
The Hat Seller
There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back. The weather was very hot and he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realized was that all his hats were gone. Then he heard some monkeys on top of the tree and he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys. They have taken all his hats! The hat-seller sits down and try to think of how he can get the hats down. He started to think and scratched his head. The next moment, he realized that the monkeys were doing the same action. Next, he took down his own hat and fan himself. The monkeys did exactly the same!
An idea strike him -- he took his hat and threw it on the ground. And the monkeys did the same too. Alas, he managed to get all his hats back. Fifty years later, his grandson also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest.Feeling very hot, he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor Again, when he woke up, he realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and found that the monkeys had taken all his hats. Remembering what his grandfather had told him, he started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the floor ... but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats! Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather!!!"
50th Anniversary
Three old timers chatting at restaurant! They sat down at a table while waiting to be served. One of them said; Hay Jake! Isn't this your 50th anniversary? Jake replies! Yep. Well, the old timer asked, what are you planning on doing? Jake replies, well! I remember taking my wife to Arizona on our 25th anniversary. The other old timer asked, Oh ya, so what are your plans for your 50th anniversary?
Jake replies, I'm going back to pick her up!!!!!!!
Saving a Bear
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Wellll," he says, in a fine Irish brouge, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle...WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word."
They both look down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Oy! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures."
_________________
 |
|
| Back To Top |
|
 |
|
|
more
Fun Addict
.gif)
Joined: 21 Jun 2009
Posts: 879
Location: amp;agreed
|
| Posted: NiceFun.net Post Subject: |
|
|
wow nice
_________________
.gif)
 |
|
| Back To Top |
|
|
|
|
You can get latest Information
You can reply to topics
You can download
|
|
